A world changed

6/8/20

Well the consistent blogging was interrupted by events so much more important than my expressing my thoughts on a blogpost. 

First, understanding my 15 year old son is struggling with depression and asking us for help. 

Second, the murder of Mr. George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer and his shocking, callous, and haunting death captured on a cell phone.

Third, the burning and destroying of our city by protesters who need their voices to be heard in the senseless killings of black men and women at the hands of those who are supposed to serve and protect. 

It has really been more than I have been able to process at one time. Add to it the pandemic and it is crushing to the soul and sometimes hard to find hope for what lies ahead. So many discussions regarding racism, white privilege, justice, humanity, sadness, fear, questioning, compassion, confusion, utter disbelief in leadership at the federal level, hope in the leadership at the state level, a mind spinning faster than I have been able to keep up with.

Depression in my son has triggered something big in my heart and mind because of the history I have with a mother who is bi-polar. I pray to God that he is spared the curse of this disorder. It is an ugly condition for a family to have to face.

Shared humanity

5/14/20

Zoom.  I have been really thankful for this platform during the COVID-19 pandemic. I use it multiple times a week (often multiple times a day) to connect with friends or communities that are an integral part of my life. Today I was lucky to be a part of an Epilepsy Foundation of Minnesota call. To respect privacy, I will not divulge and specific discussions, but what I will share is my personal observations of the way in which my compassion as a human being increases when I engage in calls like this.  It becomes very clear that people have differing experiences, struggles, humanity, and willingness to learn from each other. This inspires me and ignites a passion in me.  A passion to listen and a passion to add to a conversation when appropriate. We have so much to teach each other and learn from each other as human beings. At a time when we seem divided in so many ways, it is a call like this that takes me back to the sense of a shared humanity.  

I so want the world to be a better place and I believe it can be.

Monday May 11

The start of another new week. 

I have been waking up each morning and staying in bed for an extra 5-10 minutes to thank God (in my belief system) for my health, my family, my purpose, and asking for strength to face whatever hardship I may be asked to face in the upcoming day and week. I have found this to be helpful, comforting, and guiding.

We are being challenged. On occasion I read the postings on the website/app Nextdoor.  Sometimes I am mortified by what I read and other times, I see the beauty in humanity. It appears the divisiveness that is being stoked by our government from the highest office is trickling down into the daily posting and musings of my neighbors. It shocks me to see people being so very “holier than thou,” and I wonder where this comes from? It appears over the past 5-ish years people have felt that their voices need to be “heard” at whatever cost. I am not sure if this is related to the increased influence of social media platforms, but I suspect it is. I just have questions of who do we want to be as a collective group of humans? I have long subscribed to the notion that “We all do better when we all do better (Paul Wellstone).” I have been thinking more and more about the idea of individualistic and collectivist cultures and what this significance is in the time of a very divided nation. I will go into this more in a future post, but it has been on my mind watching people tout their beliefs of personal freedoms wielding guns and forgoing masks to make a point that they government cannot dictate how they live or infringe on their personal freedoms.  I struggle with this because I believe in my heart that we accomplish more together if we see a common humanity rather than this is all about me as an individual and not, how can we look out for each other. 

5/8/20

Gratitude Journal, yoga, meditation, walks around the lake, therapy via doxy.me, zoom calls with other coaches, zoom calls with friends, comedy shows online, streaming music shows on FB, and last, but not least, music. 

These are a few of the ways I make it through the days of changed life. Happy spontaneous conversations with neighbors as we walk the neighborhood masked up.

We rely on creativity in uncertain times. Change has happened, how do we adapt? Life looks different. Do we resist and give in to feeling dejected and down? Do we reframe into thinking about what opportunities this might create? I don’t have the answers, but I ask the questions, hoping something will make some sort of sense. The news is filled with negativity so some days I choose to avoid it to protect my mental health. Fact and fiction can become blurred if one does not ask, does this make sense? Is this logical? Is this balanced? It can be exhausting.

ups and downs

Today has been one of those roller coaster days. One minute feeling hopeful. The next feeling depressed.

As part of my coping strategy through this pandemic, I have been taking part in Calm in the Time of Coronavirus offered through Natural Mental Health facilitated by Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Timothy Culbert.  Each Monday a link is sent out of the offerings for the week. Yoga, Facebook live discussion, guided mediation, music, tai chi movement class. Last night grief was discussed, and it really resonated with me. The idea that collectively we are experiencing ambiguous loss, and many are experiencing anticipatory grief. The way I understand ambiguous loss is that it is loss that does not really have closure or something that one can definitively understand. In this time of COVID-19 we have lost many things, for examples, hugs from friends, conversation with hairstylist, employment, financial savings, access to food, participation in team and individual sports inability to go places we love (i.e. restaurants, concerts, piano recitals, sports), our sense of safety and security, sense of survival, weddings, graduation parties, graduations, and funerals. While we have been called upon to adapt and adjust and use technology to connect, there is something missing that brings us life, purpose, and meaning. When I list these out, I feel a pang of sadness in my heart and stomach for these losses.

I realize with this loss, we must try to find hope for the future and celebrate what we have in the here and now. Things like our health, the fact we have food on our tables(if you are fortunate), that we have teachers willing to change their entire way of teaching to educate our children in a way that is equitable for all(offering credit/no credit so kids without technology or access to internet service can also have a fair shot), that there is kindness all around us if we are willing to look for it. No doubt I will be writing more about this.

Anticipatory grief as I understand it, is grief that occurs before loss (death or any great loss). This is where it seems uncertainty resides as an unwelcome guest in our minds (when will this end, will people I know die, will I get COVID-19). It is a time of confusion and lack of control that we do not always sit well with.

What opportunities do these dark, sometimes overwhelming experiences offer us? I think it is growth. But getting from fear of the unknown to a place of growth is not necessarily easy. So how do we grow from this? I will have some ideas to chew on in my post tomorrow. Until then, be well, be kind to yourself, and others, and have patience for the which is unknown.

May 6, 2020

Poor night of sleep last night. Surprisingly, sleep has not been an issue thus far in the time of pandemic. Couldn’t get comfortable. I wonder if I was subconsciously thinking of the show, I listened to on public radio yesterday about strange dreams and disrupted sleep during the pandemic? Whatever the case, I felt beat up this morning.

Through this pandemic, I have really struggled with the lack of Federal Leadership. I knew when Trump wanted words banned from the scientific community that we were in BIG trouble. Know he is talking about disbanding his Coronavirus task force? I am literally speechless. His plan seems to resemble throwing up confetti in the air at a party for one(himself) and watching where the pieces fall and not caring because someone else will pick it up. We could not be in worse hands at the federal level. I am angry, sad, scared, shocked, and feeling hopeless on some days. These feelings are not good for my health or anyone’s health long-term. I know this from my years of training and learning. So what strategies are you employing to combat this?

I can share with you some of my methods of coping I am currently using.

Meditation. I have a daily practice where I sit for 20 minutes per day. I usually use the app calm, or I use Insight Mediation Center (not Insight Timer). I also utilize the programs the University of Minnesota Center for Spirituality and Healing is offering during this time of stress and uncertainty. I dial in to the Tuesday programming that is called Stress Busters. This is one hour of gentle movement and meditation. I find this Tuesday offering to be a highlight of my week. Joining with likeminded folks committed to taking care of themselves so they can be their best for others. I will speak more about this in upcoming blog posts as well as the other self-care strategies I have been using to keep myself physically and mentally in shape.

May 5

Every day it feels like there is so much to consider in the time of pandemic. About ourselves about our family (near and far), our friends (near and far) about common humanity (or lack thereof), putting ourselves in other shoes.

Am I prepared with mask and gloves to grocery shop? Do I have COVID-19? Am I putting others at risk with any of my behaviors?

What is this going to look like in the future?

What are the things I am grieving?

I have been thinking so much about grief, loss, change, uncertainty over the past month and a half. 

The loss of life, the loss of freedoms, the loss of some predictability in life, the loss of in person school education. I wonder what the world looks like a year, 2 years from now. 

I keep asking myself, is this the reset we have needed. How much I wish for no loss of life. But this virus is relentless and preys on anyone in whatever moment of weakness the body presents. 

There are days where hope for the future is hard to imagine. I have lived all these years of my life with the ability to find a silver lining. Right now, I am finding it in connections with those I love. The way we are able to pivot and adapt to meet our human needs of connection and community

Challenging time

It has been a long time since I have added a post. Much of this has to do with some significant events happening in my life over the past year.

My mother struggling with depression (which required 3 hospitalizations), my son losing a friend and classmate since kindergarten to suicide, and my son being diagnosed with epilepsy at 14.

Has it been a lot? Yes, it has. I needed to step back to learn all I could about epilepsy and to support and advocate for my son. Imagine you are gaining independence and pulling away from your parents as is developmentally appropriate and then having this redefine this time in life. It could be worse, of course, but I cannot minimize the impact the stress, worry, and adjusting to the constant uncertainty of the conditions of both by mom and my son. 

What have I learned? This post will be the start of what I have learned, but what I will start with is one’s ability to adapt and adjust to uncertainty. Enter COVID-19. We were prepared in the way of adjusting to the fear and needing to find ways to take care of ourselves during times of immense stress. 

COVID-19 has turned worlds upside down and not in the simple ways of having to wear a mask grocery shopping. This is nothing. What has changed is everything and there are people losing their lives to a virus that does not discriminate. Are people at higher risk? Sounds like it, but this changes nearly daily. What I can say, is I believe this to be highly contagious and based on that alone I will do all I can to prevent or delay the inevitable spread.

I work as a coach to help other live healthier lifestyles, to find and maintain balance in their worlds. I understand far more intimately the challenges that one might face in their quest to live a life. The situation we are facing collectively right now begs of us all to stay as healthy as we can to fight this monster.

Day 2 of being back in the saddle

Cannot believe how the past year has flown by. I guess at some point we grow to accept the fact that life is moving fast. One thing I have really focused on over the past 2 years has been to be in the moment and to realize good or bad, nothing lasts. The impermanent nature of things. I have sat with this numerous times as I have focused on more meditation and calming the mind, giving up trying to have control over everything.

This became very clear to me in 2 situations.

The first being after foot surgery which is an entry in itself and how long and hard the recovery was.

The second being the death of Eddie, our sweet Golden Retriever taken from us at 4 years old. Might be the single saddest moment of my life. I am trying to figure out what I was or am supposed to learn from this, but all I can come up with now is a hole in my heart. We had Wally for 14.5 years. That would have been 10 more years. Eddie could be a pain in the ass taking off with clothes, stealing hats and eating the pompoms, stealing sticks of butter off of the counter. It was these things that made me grumpy that also made me love him. He was a loyal companion as they say. Followed me like a shadow, was beside me as I worked back from surgery, and was a tremendous watchdog. I wrote a list of things that I loved when he was dying. Through the tears, I would type, not wanting to miss time with him, but also not wanting to forget what I surely would have had I not captured it in writing. I have not been able to look at it still….since April because my heart cannot handle it at the moment. I do know that as he was dying (it was 2 months from diagnosis to death), I was present in a way I never have been in my life. For that I am grateful and for that I wait for a broken heart to mend.

I am back.

It has been quite awhile since I have posted and oh, so many things have happened. I will recap a few as I get back into the blogosphere. Suffice it to say, I am happy to be back. Life gets busy for all of us, sometimes some low spots in life creep in, but we do what we need to do to regroup and continue on.

After many years of not staying at my parents house, we went for Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time. I am starting to let go of my bitterness of having a mother who was never there for me. Forgiveness? Not quite, but perhaps wisdom of 51 years on this earth, growing to accept things are not permanent, but always changing, and realizing life is too short to be caught up in some pieces of our personal history. I try to move forward, accepting what I cannot change, grieving what I have grieved for most of my adult and young adult life. Moving forward with positivity and a mind determined to grow. Thank you to those of you who have listened, supported, and been with me on this ride.

February 20-President's Day 2017

Wow! What a change 1 year can make in politics and the weather of the world. I have been in what feels like a paralyzed state since Donald Trump became President of the United Sates of America. I am troubled each day I read the news. It would seem we are being set up as a "police state" of sorts and I am mortified. Raising a child in a time of hate and uncertainty is surely not what I had hoped for for my son. I have struggled with how and where to be involved. They are so many issues that are close to my heart and Trump seems to be in opposition to each one of them. I find myself wondering what the best way might be to approach this unease that I feel. I have written to Al Franken, Keith Ellison, Amy Klobuchar, Van Jones(for reporting balanced news and for being critical of "both sides"), and Leon Panetta because I respect him as a man in power who seems to have a moral compass that so many others in power seem to be lacking. 

I have always been a news junkie, but now it consumes me the moment I wake up. Frankly, I am scared as hell of what Trump means for America. I salute the judges who are willing to stand up to a tyrant.

A few things including Upton 43 and The Draft Horse

March 1

Well, someone is getting closer to my idea of finding the perfect restaurant. Just don’t want to miss out on a cool opportunity so in my fashion, I contacted the company asking when they will move into this market so I can edit and write content. My problem right now getting my idea started is my lack of technical knowledge and the missing link of understanding how to charge for a service.

Continued March 8th, 2016

Well so much for regularly scheduled blogging. A lot has happened in the last week. I got a job. Very excited to be able to use the skills I have worked on for the past few years. Coaching, healthy living, and writing. Life is good

Infatuation is not ready yet to move into this market, but I will be ready when they do.  I really like what they are doing in their way of reviews, but I would tweak if it were my website, but having people fill out a personality profile and by setting very specific parameters to customize what the customer is looking for. If they are not sure, then I would be willing and able to give suggestions, but want to know who they are before prescribing my “course of treatment.”

Spots that I have had yet to review are Upton 43 and The Draft Horse.

First up Upton 43

Have been for lunch and dinner and have to say I was dazzled both times. Food was really quite spectacular in presentation and complex flavors and textures and service very attentive, knowledgeable, and full of robust enthusiasm for the menu.

At lunch, our server did not inform us of the automatic gratuity, but I was aware of it and mentioned it upon check out. No big deal because it was a smaller tab and luckily I was aware of the trend taking hold at this restaurant.

I had the dried apple & acorn squash soup, onion, burnt cream, linseed. Superb. Bowl was presented with the “guts” of the soup and food runner poured liquid over. Rich, hearty, and full of flavor. The flaxseed cracker (flacker) added a needed component of texture and really upped the creativity of the dish. The other dish that was ordered by my companion was the pyttipanna, cottage cheese, egg, herb.  Interesting dish that I was not at all familiar with.  It looked like beets with egg, herbs, cottage cheese, but I am not sure f this was the combination. Will try on my next trip. Meals do not come with bread, though the lunch menu includes smorrebrod with any number of toppings. I imagine this will need to migrate to the dinner menu.

Dinner was a treat as well. I love listening to servers explain dishes with such enthusiasm that we are dabbing with a napkin from the salivation. Job well done.  Started with charred sunchokes, quince, prastost. Nice starter enough for us to share. Not any of the flavors blew my mind, but it was a solid dish.

I had the celeriac, dried blueberry, chanterelle, barley dish. Interesting combination, and multiple preparations of celeriac made for a nice dish, puffed barley topped off the dish, which added a nice crunchiness, the chanterelle added nice earthy component. Could have used more barley and more mushrooms.

My dinner companion had the cod, hazelnut, cabbage, and fermented grapes. Lovely dish, I only had a bite, but am convinced fermented grapes should be on more menus.  For dessert we went with the rye pancake, birch ice cream, blis elixir, blueberry. Wow! What a beauty. Thick heavy pancake with a unique set of toppings really made this a standout. Very rich, can be shared. Dinner was not cheap, but a truly great meal experience. I cannot recall what we ordered for wines, but nicely complemented what we ordered.

The Draft Horse

Gosh, I wish this were in my backyard.  Fabulous, if small, beer selection, homemade pot pies, Lone Grazer cheese, Red Table meats. What more does one need?

Went on a Sunday evening, pretty slow to start and then it got hopping and was packed when we left. Great, casual space in hip NE Minneapolis. This place is going to make it, no doubt. Food Building right next door. I am really excited to see what this particular block morphs into.

Also, the fact they use Patisserie 46 baguettes, big plus.

At our table we ordered the featured roasted meat sandwich (of course cannot remember the featured meat now since it was my companion who ordered). I went with the brussel sprouts with bacon, the roasted vegetables, and the baguette with butter. Simple, straight forward preparation that all worked well.

New spot and suggestion success

Impermanence. The idea of nothing lasting forever. Be it good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant. Nothing lasts. It will always change. Well guess what did not last for me today? A very detailed blog post introducing a new restaurant and cheering a success. So let’s see what I can recapture. This time remembering to save in word and then copy into my website.

Over the past week, we visited i.e.(Italian Eatery) and I was given paramters for an outing and the people who used the suggestion were thrilled.

First the restaurant. Housed where Carbone’s (on Cedar, near Minnehaha Parkway) used to sit, it the recently opened ie. First impression is good, quite good. We had a reservation, seated on time. Food runner brought us crispy garbanzo beans (we were corrected by server calling them the Italian version ceci beans). Nice crunch and seasoning and clearly a new addition to the before dinner snack. We found out they bake before they fry the beans, which may be the reason they have not worked for me at home.

Wine list is nice, but pours are small for $7-$12 range. They did offer a $4-$7 taste option which seems silly to me given the fact they are making a hefty profit from the short pours they charge for a full glass. Most places offer a taste and I think ie should do the same.

Food. Really good. We started with the pan-fried yam ravioli. Lovely texture. Crisp on outside, smooth and creamy, though not heavy. Sweet and spicy. Nice arrangement of flavor drizzled with truffle oil as a lovely finishing tough.  We had brussel sprouts as a vegetable side, which we were informed, is the most popular side. I liked the idea of Caesar sprouts, but what we received seemed to heavy and overdressed. Sprouts can stand so beautifully with so few ingredients. I think some tweaking is in order. We ordered the bucatini that was superb housemade pasta, cooked to perfection with a deep, delicious fennel sausage, smoked paprika, white wine and pecorino. Truly perfect pasta. We also ordered the Red Snapper, topped with a panzanella salad, truffle vinaigrette and the “of the moment” celery root puree. Fish was cooked perfectly and a really nice combination of textures and flavors. There was no bread service, which was a little surprising, but fine. Nice ambiance, volume could be a bit much for some folks, but we were a-okay with it. Really nice server. Will visit again and will suggest to others.

http://www.italianeatery.com

Suggested Burch to friends who were looking for a good Anniversary celebration spot with good drinks, food, and options for meat eaters, as well as vegetarians. Made my day to receive a text with them expressing how satisfied they were. One thing I noted was that they ate upstairs which to my knowledge limited the options for vegetarian options. Last we were they you could order from entire menu downstairs, but upstairs could only order off of the steak house menu. Still nice options, but more limited.

http://www.burchrestaurant.com/02

Working around injury

Since the middle of November, I have been in pain. Significant pain. My foot has been troubling me and it has resulted in intense back pain. I have had to modify my activities and it has been challenging to me personally. It has meant one of the main stress reduction techniques I utilize has had to shift. What has think looked like? Taking life down a notch, exploring more passive yoga practices, and being okay with slowing down. Easy? No, not at all. I have relied on my strong and healthy body for over 48 years and to have this shift has been a personal struggle. What comes out of struggle? Some frustration, to be sure, but also compassion and gentleness towards others and myself. This is not a burden, but a gift. This also helps me to empathize with people and potential clients of what chronic pain might be like for them. My situation is nothing like someone with severe chronic pain, but it is something that challenges me, causes discomfort, and it is a reminder that we are all in a state of not knowing what life might hand us, but we are able to build our resilience in differing ways. I rely heavily on gratitude to get me through challenge. What gets you through?

Procrastination

Well, here I am a couple of months later than I wanted to be with an additional blog post. I have been working to find clients, looking for a job, and taking care of my family. I am quite determined to make this coaching gig work for me. What I am learning along the way is that landing clients is harder than I anticipated. The other thing I am struggling with is the very strong desire to have another service up and running, but figuring out the pieces to this puzzle also stump me. All of you who know me, know I adore the Twin Cities and I really "live" in the city. It is a personal quest for me to know my city and tap into the richness it has to offer. Whether it is for food, music, art, family outings, outdoor adventures. These cities feed my soul and, of course, so do the mountains of Switzerland(if you know me, you know what I speak of). So back to my concept....I want to be able to have a spot where people go with specific parameters of what they desire to experience. This might be something like a recent text I received asking for a suggestion  of a gift certificate for someone who is both a food lover and a beer aficionado. I LOVE getting a message like this because 1. I love to explore and share knowledge and 2. I want people to be happy and seek out and experience what brings them joy. Enter coaching skills, I reply with "Do you want beer or food to be more of the focus?" My challenge then becomes providing a perfect few options from which the person can choose. At first I think Surly. Superb beer, creative and satisfying menu, outstanding service and knowledgeable folks who work there. Then the floodgates open. What about across the river to The Happy Gnome? Or The Muddy Pig? Or back to Minneapolis and Republic? Each have their strengths for different reasons. As I coach, I need to know more. This is when it dawns on me to set up shop through this website to offer my knowledge of the city starting with e-mail or text inquiries and then I work on how to charge for the service. Please share thought and comments on how this might be done.

You should start a blog

How many times has someone said, "You should start a blog, Amy?"  Well, more than I can count on my fingers and toes. What has my reluctance been? I think in great part, self-doubt. In the way of wondering what do I have to say that is so interesting? Compelling? I don't like the spotlight on me and I am pretty private except to those in my "inner circle." This being said, I have some strong opinions and great passions one of which is my great love for the Twin Cities. I am often friends "go to" for restaurant suggestions or ideas of what to do in the Twin Cities. I feel so very blessed to live in a city with a vibrant arts scene, a wonderful evolving food scene, music everywhere, inexpensive theater, and nice people. 

Twin City blog starts today....first up posting will be tomorrow...First up is 4 bells in Loring Park.

The Beginning

Many of you are aware my ideas surrounding wellness have been inspired by sickness and the vastly different ways in which sickness and wellness can be addressed, embraced, handled. I have watched 3 of the most important and influential people in my life die. These three people; my grandfather, Don, my Mother-in-law, Donna, and my Father-in-law, Keith, having given me the courage to pursue that which inspires me though it can seem unconventional at times, I have stayed true to myself and their legacies. The experiences of these deaths, helped me to become less afraid of dying and more alive in living. It inspired me to learn about healthy living, differing approaches to wellness, and death with dignity.