Today has been one of those roller coaster days. One minute feeling hopeful. The next feeling depressed.
As part of my coping strategy through this pandemic, I have been taking part in Calm in the Time of Coronavirus offered through Natural Mental Health facilitated by Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Timothy Culbert. Each Monday a link is sent out of the offerings for the week. Yoga, Facebook live discussion, guided mediation, music, tai chi movement class. Last night grief was discussed, and it really resonated with me. The idea that collectively we are experiencing ambiguous loss, and many are experiencing anticipatory grief. The way I understand ambiguous loss is that it is loss that does not really have closure or something that one can definitively understand. In this time of COVID-19 we have lost many things, for examples, hugs from friends, conversation with hairstylist, employment, financial savings, access to food, participation in team and individual sports inability to go places we love (i.e. restaurants, concerts, piano recitals, sports), our sense of safety and security, sense of survival, weddings, graduation parties, graduations, and funerals. While we have been called upon to adapt and adjust and use technology to connect, there is something missing that brings us life, purpose, and meaning. When I list these out, I feel a pang of sadness in my heart and stomach for these losses.
I realize with this loss, we must try to find hope for the future and celebrate what we have in the here and now. Things like our health, the fact we have food on our tables(if you are fortunate), that we have teachers willing to change their entire way of teaching to educate our children in a way that is equitable for all(offering credit/no credit so kids without technology or access to internet service can also have a fair shot), that there is kindness all around us if we are willing to look for it. No doubt I will be writing more about this.
Anticipatory grief as I understand it, is grief that occurs before loss (death or any great loss). This is where it seems uncertainty resides as an unwelcome guest in our minds (when will this end, will people I know die, will I get COVID-19). It is a time of confusion and lack of control that we do not always sit well with.
What opportunities do these dark, sometimes overwhelming experiences offer us? I think it is growth. But getting from fear of the unknown to a place of growth is not necessarily easy. So how do we grow from this? I will have some ideas to chew on in my post tomorrow. Until then, be well, be kind to yourself, and others, and have patience for the which is unknown.